Life and Forfeit...

Listen to : All Of Them -- King Arthur OST

Time flew so fast. Everybody's moved on...I'm stuck with a dead life of mine, there's no way for me to turn unless there is hope awaiting for me which I doubt it.
Im sorry for all people out there, those who care for me, those who accept me the way I am. Thank you so much, there is no word can describe my appreciation.
I feel like floating, walking but can't feel my leg, I'm hopeless....I saw people laughing at me, but I can just watch them laugh without correcting them...its okay...they laughed because they succeed, they laugh because they achieve what they want, they laugh because they happy to see I'm downhearted....

Prologue...
She once told that people will love you the way you are, but some people aren't, they need to be please to make they like you. Is that fair?
She said....she can live her own way.....she can be isolated...she don't care.She doesnt't need a stranger( someone which is not her blood )to helped her. She can climb slowly and reach to the top. Blood is thicker than everything...Choose the blood rather than a stranger. She can be mean. She can ruined his life, but she won't do that. She give him opportunity to choose what he wants the most....or does he had a choice? Yes he is. In her point of view, she's willing to sacrifice and being sacrificed, she claimed it as a punishment from all the bad deeds that she's done in the past.

She will accept all the consequences. She hates being rejected by them, she hates being laugh by them, she hates when she's being ignored, she hates when she doesn't know what's going on, she hates when they treated her nice yet they forced to do that. She hates her. She choose to be alone for everybody's sake....can he release her? Its the most selfish thing that she asked him to do.Please....
What will happened to her?

Life...with Taurus

Happy Birthday To You. He had a good Birthday I think. I hope..
This is the best part..Early day he received a basket of rose with red balloons and 10 inch bear...how sweet!! hahaha..Its from his preferred enemy..da Dory...that’s her plan for Hafez birthday this year.....Its funny because we send the basket to his office and of course, his colleague will said..WTF? hahaha...This is how its written ‘Dear Hafez, Happy Birthday Sucker!!! , From : secret admire….whatever dude!!!
We had dinner after that at Korean BBQ Plaza Pantai, everybody were there, all my close friend and my sisters. Me and Hafez then watched Da Vinci Code, I didn’t give him anything this year, oops! sorry, just a small surprise, brought him to watch Da Vinci Code...gold class.ta da..its really comfy though...hehe..Have a good birthday...Month of May, month of Birthdays…Happy Birthday To All Of You…..Check out some pic
Conclusion :

Description - Taurus

Primary Characteristics
Self Reliant
Wise
Positive Personality Traits
Patient and reliable
Persistent and determined
Placid and security loving
Warmhearted and loving

Dangers
Can be jealous and possessive
Can be resentful and inflexible
Can be self-indulgent and greedy

Life and S.E.C.R.E.T

S.E.C.R.E.T.
Have you ever dream,
Seated in my place,
Thinking bout all the sweetness and sullen,
Nobody will know,
Perhaps you would sense,
Facing all the crowded words,
And you heart is not immortal,
Can you justify?
As the silence night makes me awake,
And how hard for me to immers,
But as honest if you could understand,
I'm here, will never go farther.
My story is not yet to the end,
Still can't see the burden your facing
I'm hopeless,
I just saved it to myself,
And let it be the secret.
Still when I live in the world call love,
It wont fade away,
I will stop saying,
Let it be the secret,
Which only my heart can tell.

Life and Fear !?

ALL AT SEA -- RICHARD WALTERS ( CSI Miami S0421 )

Silence is empty, filled with breaths from mouths
that never move no more,
she talked some more, she talks now
and all the lights went out in empty rooms
and now the empty hall
I talk alone, i talk now
And all I wanted was a Chance to see you anyway

hold me, fold me up in your arms
faster, my love, sinking and gone

I was aware the time, I was a son before i met you dear
I talk alone, i talk now
and all the lights go out in empty rooms
and now the dirty hall
I talked alone, I talk now
And all I wanted was a Chance to see you anyway

Hold me, fold me up in your arms
Faster, my love, shrinking and gone
Hold me, my love
Telling me don't be afraid
Wouldn't you want me to swim
Wouldn't you want me to stay?

Hold me my love
Telling me won't be afraid
Wouldn't you want me to swim
Wouldn't you want me to stay

I just read CSI Miami Review for eps 24 from the net, and it was just sad coz Marisol ( Alana De La Garza ) was shot, and she just married to Horatio. In the next episode Delko and Horatio will seek for revenge. ( However...it just so sad..poor Horatio ).

We're having a good night yesterday. We went to Karaoke to celebrate Lynn's birthday ( Dory chose a Happ Birthday song from the list and we sing it to her )...I need to upload picture later. Before that during lunch Anis's arranged a surprise for Lynn, we waited her to enter the office room and then we scream...HAPPY BIRTHDAY...ans she was ball over...hehehe....Its fu...Wow TAURUS, you guys getting a lot of surprises huh!!!

MY FEAR FACTOR?
I am concerned about making the "right" decisions than many people around me when it comes to my future? Or am I sometimes worry more than I should about committing to my personal or professional goals or feel anxious that I'll never really be successful?

What actually that I fear the most ? I’m afraid of moving forward.
It can be a real strength to recognize your fears. By being aware of the things that frighten you, you can assess whether fear is helping you or negatively impacting your life. For instance, a fear of moving forward may sometimes motivate you to take action in a positive way, like by experiencing a wider variety of things than others.

Life and Another Birthday..

Today is another special day especially for TAURUS. Happy Birthday to Lynn. Testimonials dedicated to Lynn for her birthday ( tak payah tulis kat friendster...hehehe ). She's very firm with her decision, she's good in doing chores, she can be a good housewife ( as in F.R.I.E.N.D.S she can play Monica very well ). She's very particular with everything. That's really good practise. However, she can be your survivor, she's very kind at heart...and i love you...Have A Nice Birthday.....May Allah Bless You in Everything That You Do.

Life...Its The Same

I was so bored..Lazy saturday, I'm doing spring cleaning....and watching SCRUBS ( Third season ). Its fun, killing my time. I then surfing the net, reply some mails. I' m still excited about my new notebook, however I'm disappointed about my camera, I'll buy exactly the same one with 7.0 megapixel sob...sob...

I have plans for end of this year or probably early next year. I hope that I can send my sister ( Ain ) to Mellbourne, of course wih my parents. And I'll make sure I have some savings and will apply for leave as soon as I get the date...hehehe.

I want to go to the beach ( we might go in July )...I want to go diving..I'm afraid of water, but no harm trying since its a wonderful thing to do. I love staring at the sea, it reminds me from my previous shooting days back in Langkawi, I've been there for a month, I miss the smell of the sea, the sounds of the tidal wave, the fresh air and the peaceful environment. I wish if I can turn back time..and appreciate it even more....

Life...Happy Mother's Day

Hey..I LOST MY SONY DIGITAL CAMERA. I think I misplaced it somewhere. I hate that. I cant stop thinking about it. I've got a ew notebook yesterday, I was so happy but then I realize something missing when suddenly I wanted to use it...my digital camera. I want it back...Luckily, I manage to transfer all my pic from previous trip. However I'm still hope that I wil find it.

Yesterday was Anis's birthday. We did a small surprise party for her, with Lynn as the mastermind, Dory, Hafez, Cindy, Tony and me. It went well, Anis was surprised, and we ate domino's pizza until we cant move...also with the moist chocolate cake.....hehehehe...after that, we watch TV and we went home at 2am...sti thinking about the camera...uwaaaa. Lynn birthday is coming...Hafez birthday is on the corner (TAURUS)..em...still thinking...what to give them...pokai..pokai...hehehe

This Sunday is a Mother's Day, will go back home, and have dinner with everybody...I know she will be very happy when everybody's gather togeher..Of course..we love u Mama...My mom loves us ( I have 3 sisters ) so much as I dont have any words to describe how much I love her, since I was a kid, I will get whatever I wanted,I was spoilt till now, she'll cook our favourite dish when she know that we're coming home, she was so concern until you tell her that you are big enough to take care of yourself. I love her so much and I want to make her happy and will please her the best way that I can..Can I do that? Happy Mother's Day......

Life...and Time ( Happy Birthday)

Happy Birthday Anis ( 12th May 2006 )
She’s lovely, love to see her smile ( mcm bf and gf pulak ).
We just knew each other for 8 months but I like her honestly. I used to called her flower girl ( she love to wear flower's accessories, she's fancy, she's colourful, cheerful , she likes to laugh( the fun part is when she laugh without any sound ). She’s like a sister to me. Alwiz come out with advices, and I’m hardly listen to anyone, but I can always listen to her, coz she has her own way to approach me…I love her….Happy Birthday To You. May Allah Bless You in Everything That You do.

Life and The Shadows

I can't write here..I'm afraid of my own shadows, I want to write, I wanna share something but I cant. I'm hurt...How to cure a broken heart? How to make people love you more? How to control yourself for not being selfish?

I hate my life...I'm bored with all the routine, I appreciate everything that I have..but does it make me happier? I dont know...Its good to be envy with other's but dont compare your life with them. Just live your life...learnt to be it. How? Can I do it alone? Can i change my path of life? Can I be somebody else that I'm not? Can I just hate other people? Can people just hate me?
Sometimes I questions my self? Am I that bad? Am I so unlucky? Help me please...I'm totally hopeless...

I’m so sick of speaking words that no one understands. Is it clear enough that you can’t live your whole life all alone. I can hear you when you whisper.
But you can’t even hear me screaming. I'm afraid, but I can't abandon everyone, as I cant escape.There's no way to escape...

There's always being a reason when someone feel sad, as for me, I always not satisfied with what I've had, I hate being me, I doubt about my future, I'm not even happy with myself, and I always look down on me, I'm confident enough to convince other people but not myself, I dont think I've done enough to other's who needs me, I'm hardly listen to anyone..I just listen to me.I always think about me, everythings is all about me, but sometimes its not...there is still a room for me to think about other's.

I want to live my life the fullest, I want to make everyone that I love happy,as I want to pleased them the best way that I can. I cant imagine if I'm losing someone that I love the most, I'd rather replace their place than see them go...I'm willing to do that...but I can't...Sometime's I cant sleep if I'm thinking about death. Im not afraid of death, but I'm scared if it happen to all people that I love..I cant imagine that, but that's life, people who live will die. Life is precious, too bad for me as I cant appreciate life as it is...Life is beautiful.. YES absolutely for some reasons, but life sometimes just hurt me....every second and minutes of my life..I'm sorry but I just hurt......Terribly hurt....And i'm alone....Suddenly I miss my dad,my mom , my sisters....I'll always love you no matter what....

Life and Laziness...

Holla everyone....Had a long chat with my superior yesterday, he likes to tell story and we love to listen to it. He's a good mentor, me and Dory just kept listening until time passes us by...I still remembered during our trip to Singapore, we went eat at Marche....and he accidentally missed his bus because he never stopped telling stories..the journey of his life to be exact....its good to know though.
Im bored..I've got things to follow up...but I'm too lazy to do that....Conclussion...I'm damn lazy to do anything.....

LIfe...and Aching Heart...

Listen To : I Would Die For You -- Garbage

I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine

I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear

I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you

See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time I am talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored

I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart

I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me

Violate all The love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored




Im currently involved with another JV between DV( Malaysia ) and GMA ( Philippines )...Emmm....well start to do pre production works now, as to be honest more to paper work which is boring...My cooking reality show is postpone due to some internal problem and need to deal with some consequences after that. However, I'm kinda not agreed with this company especially the way management treat those freelancers, they just terminated them without a month notice, but probably these are all negative side that freelancers need to face.Still they are human, dont they care about human feeling's at all? I dont get that.

Okay, as for my side, I'll tell the truth, I'm just 5% satisfied with this company, U propbably read somewhere in my blog how I hate this company, but the only reason I stayed because of the opportunity and my precious friends, besides I love what Im doing....Conclussion, I love my job. Im quite free, sitting next to da Dory...emailing her everyday like bf and gf...what to do...we send email to other's as well but yet there is no reply except for both of us...It makes thinking . You might think that you know the person who is actually close to you, but actually you are'nt at all, and then suddenly you know their true colours...yeah man!! i think they are people out there act differently with different group of friend...probably they are not yet ready to reveal everything or maybe we're not good enough to be their friend.I dont know.No comment, but for me even though I just know the person for a day..I'll still be me and it all depends to the person to like me or not....hehehehe..As for what i know..I'm sucks...Who wanna be my friend? kuang..kuang...kuang...hehehe...

Nina is here, she will start working soon. Good for her, just finished her study, Ain will fly to Australia end of this year while Iqa still waited for the result, where she might go to further her study...Good Luck everyone....hehehe
We have a plan ahead for July, diving courses, and have fun in nicest beach/ island.We're thinking of Pulau Tioman or Perhentian. Still waiting for the date from Roselle, she will come to Malaysia in July, as it good for us also because we might start shooting on August onwards.

Last weekend i had my spring cleaning, I have such a splendid time by my own...hehehe...cleaning my house, decorate my room, clean my kitchen, and even filled up my stock ( I bought everything exactly the same as what I saw in Lin and Anis house emmm sausage,instant roti canai and etc...hehehe), I was really satisfied,and then I change my fish water tank.Suprisingly while Im doing all the chores, my two cats just sleep...Wow...Good!

Okie...Im downloading CSI Miami season 4 eps 23 today..Horatio will get married in this eps, with Marisol of course, I read in the internet that in eps 24 and 25, there will be a troop chase after Horatio and shot someone close to Horatio..WHO?
I never start watching CSI Vegas Season 6 yet,and not even start downloading CSI New York. However, my fav sitcom for now SCRUBS...just finished watching the second season...I bought the third season last night, and how disappointing when the output is blur...%$#&!!!!

Life and The Upside Down...

Listen to : One ( Mary J Blige and U2 )

Hey...
My Precious...my two cats getting bigger day by day..As for Chino ( 6 months old ), my god....he's damn big..eat a lot....while Boty ( 8 months old ) still maintain maybe because she's a female.Well both of them stay INSIDE my house, luckily they were trained, so they know where exactly their "business room".I love when they 'meow','meow' and wake u up from sleep, its just because they are hungry, look at their face man....feel like squeezed it or broke them into two...either one...and Boti alwiz scratch at the scratcher while Chino will go to one of his fav comforter and drooling...whatever dude...Conclussion....both of the are cute..Poor Da Dory...she's a little allergic with fur...but since she just "poodleling" herself....maybe its okay is it..i mean with fur...? Hahahahaha...

Emmm....Currently Im watching SCRUBS...starting from the 1st season..Its entertaining...I never thought that its fun to watch....hehehe...well watch DVD can kill all my boredoom....as I prefer stay at home rather than go out, besides can save money too..Im too overspend this past few months, and I want to control myself man...hahaha...keep on saying this every now and then. Period.
Also watched...CSI Miami Season 4..although I dont like 'Calleigh Dusquense' that much ( probably I compared her to 'Sara Sidle' and 'Catherine Willow', besides her voice is annoying too)....but I love the entire show.The season almost end...another 2 episodes to go...( as usual download from torrent ).

Work life....is not hectis as it used to be, but Im stressing out here that I'm tired of working with all empty promises from the superior in this company.I know that I can go better than this, I can be what I want to be if im not here, yet sumtimes this hell make a room for me to tried something out,which I know I am capable to do it,it just a matter of do you have that opportunity to do it or not...if you do...why dont you just grab it and stop thinking about quitting.That's why sometimes I dont know what I want...I want to be good in what I did...and its not in the book its all about try and error....otherwise you wont learn...and thats the reason why I NEED to stay coz I need that...'opportunity to try and make mistakes yet learn from it'.

What AM I thinking ?
Envy ( a good one ).
Hatred ( For her, for them but not for him or for those )
Burden ( Not yet feel any )
Sad and Mope ( alwiz..all the time, never reduce )
Happy ( hipocracy yet 10 % true )
Laugh ( The Best Medicine )
Money ( Never Enough...hahaha )
Love ( Pain )
Monotonous ( Its a routine )
Moody ( Im good at it..need to minus that )
Anger ( Not to them....but for those...)