Life and The Shadows

I can't write here..I'm afraid of my own shadows, I want to write, I wanna share something but I cant. I'm hurt...How to cure a broken heart? How to make people love you more? How to control yourself for not being selfish?

I hate my life...I'm bored with all the routine, I appreciate everything that I have..but does it make me happier? I dont know...Its good to be envy with other's but dont compare your life with them. Just live your life...learnt to be it. How? Can I do it alone? Can i change my path of life? Can I be somebody else that I'm not? Can I just hate other people? Can people just hate me?
Sometimes I questions my self? Am I that bad? Am I so unlucky? Help me please...I'm totally hopeless...

I’m so sick of speaking words that no one understands. Is it clear enough that you can’t live your whole life all alone. I can hear you when you whisper.
But you can’t even hear me screaming. I'm afraid, but I can't abandon everyone, as I cant escape.There's no way to escape...

There's always being a reason when someone feel sad, as for me, I always not satisfied with what I've had, I hate being me, I doubt about my future, I'm not even happy with myself, and I always look down on me, I'm confident enough to convince other people but not myself, I dont think I've done enough to other's who needs me, I'm hardly listen to anyone..I just listen to me.I always think about me, everythings is all about me, but sometimes its not...there is still a room for me to think about other's.

I want to live my life the fullest, I want to make everyone that I love happy,as I want to pleased them the best way that I can. I cant imagine if I'm losing someone that I love the most, I'd rather replace their place than see them go...I'm willing to do that...but I can't...Sometime's I cant sleep if I'm thinking about death. Im not afraid of death, but I'm scared if it happen to all people that I love..I cant imagine that, but that's life, people who live will die. Life is precious, too bad for me as I cant appreciate life as it is...Life is beautiful.. YES absolutely for some reasons, but life sometimes just hurt me....every second and minutes of my life..I'm sorry but I just hurt......Terribly hurt....And i'm alone....Suddenly I miss my dad,my mom , my sisters....I'll always love you no matter what....