LIFE...

The Best Of Us - Wow Amazing

2009-09-09T14:20:00.001-07:00

The Best Of Us - Wow Amazing
Originally uploaded by WOW AMAZING

The Climb lyrics

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Flickr

2009-09-09T14:17:00.001-07:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Life and The Heart Of The Four Sisters

2007-01-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

Listen to : Flown Away – Lene Marlin
Venue : Makati Prime Tower Suites, Philippines

I’m alone…I’m sad…I’m lonely….suddenly I missed them….
And I realized….they are my precious….my sisters….my blood…

We never said we love each other. In fact we never even said the words love at all.
But deep down inside our heart all of us means something. We have 4 sisters. I am the eldest. I never played my part well, yet still we always remain together. We always fight, but I never hate them.
I still remember when we was a kid, as the eldest I always being a mastermind, we were so naughty back then. I guess our parents praying everyday to make sure that we become good kids. There was 20 years ago…we all grew up…and we manage to be a good kid to them….All those history makes us closer…we always joke around, and we very close to each other. We hate strangers….We remains to be four only…we hate intruders… Only our parents can give us a piece of word…for the rest sorry… we only playing numb..

On our birthday… we wont greet each other.. weird huh? But we will call and talk bout something else… and all of us know what’s that supposed to mean. We have our own way to communicate with each other. It’s very special and can’t be describe with words.

My sister will go abroad. She will leaving soon. I wanted to be there to see her, before she left. I hope that my schedule not packed because I am n the Philippines right now. Suddenly I felt lose…maybe we never being apart that long. She’s the closest one. She knew all my secrets. She always listen to me, and I fight with her a lot…but I know that I’m going to miss her… sorry babe…I knew when you read this you will laugh and said “ GG…gelilah…apalah kau ni”…but I knew you must feel something in your heart. And no need to tell me how you feel.

Babe…I really wanted to see you go. Maybe I can give away some of my stuffs to you. I know you will like it…maybe I will buy something for you here…it’s much more cheaper…
You know why I wrote this?
I switch on my laptop, and connect my portable hard disk…and I saw Chicane folder…and suddenly I felt so sad…am I going to delete the entire folder coz because I won’t be able to see you? I don’t have a heart to do that…coz maybe I will miss you.. I don’t know…that’s why I wanted to see you go….other wise I will regret myself. Maybe it will be my last time to see you… I don’t know…But seriously I hope that you can really take care of yourself…You know how hard for you to get there. Maybe in one fine day we will come and visit you…..
Babe…you know there’s a lot of things that we shared….story about our lives, sadness and happiness...Thank you for that……
And this is going to be the first time for me to say I love you to of my sisters….
I’m sorry if ever I never being a good sister to all of you, yet I’m trying, and we all know that all of us care and respect each other, and we won’t being separated no matter what happened….If ever anything happen to me…please know that I love all of you….never fail…everyday……

Life and The New Year....

2007-01-02T00:02:00.000-08:00

Listen to : Always Love -- Nada Surf

The story will remain unsaid.
But these are the recap for 2006.

Hey…

Alhamdulillah...I'm still alive....
Looking back on what I said all those years ago, all the hopes and dreams I had, I've come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I'm a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair remember, it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home. I wish I found myself again

As for 2006 there are so many things need to be remembered and also being forgotten.
I will take all the good side to remember and throw away the entire negatives context.
In April me, Hafez and Da Dory went to Manila to give our best Roselle a visit..and she already have a boyfriend….Dodie…you are the man!!!
In August, my best colleague Da Dory left the company..and the “Superfoxx” and “byesexual” was anguished badly…yet they strong enough to face it.

There’s too much retention especially in November. I was producing “ Now and Forever” drama, and I’m too into it, really put my all effort till I can’t even sleep at night. Yet there are a lot of stories behind the stories and it will remain unsaid as it’s a lot to tell. * Smile*
In December, Lyn was engaged to Sab.

The best part…I just bought my first Prada bag “ Tessuto Oro “……Finally !!!

Bye 2006!!! And as usual still no resolution for 2007….Just hope for happiness ahead and being blessed…..

Summary : Not a good year for LOVE. It cost more pain compared to the beneficial of
being LOVED.
Good year for prosperity….*smile*

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE…….

Life and The Ignorance

2006-12-31T08:09:00.000-08:00

Listen to : Tsukiko Amano -- Crimson Butterfly

She just wondering if ever she died, will she be remembered? Did people will acknowledge her? She said to herself....maybe.

Questions

Why some people can hurt other people? Why some people can make other people wait? Waiting with the ignorance without calling, or saying hi... yet it was promised before? The questions remains unanswered until the time comes....

Why sometimes people can easily saying the 'L' words? Does it supposed to be a magic word?

And why people can easily fall for each other? Is that true that there is a love at a first sight or I dunno...

Why marriage can divorce? Are they unhappy? Who's the cause?

Why lover's can turn to friends? Can it be fixed?

But all the answers depends to all the causes....and there are too many causes with different answers...

Love and being loved is a terrific feeling, but when you love someone too much, it can cause grievous pain, which only you can cure it.

Miss and being missed.....it's a real pain....

"Is there any space for happiness? Can she be in it? Please...just for a while...

Most people are stronger than they know. They just forget to believe in it sometimes."

Life and The Hard Lights....

2006-12-28T19:41:00.000-08:00

Listen to : Umbrellas -- The City Lights

If you see me at midnight

Walking the streets

You'll know it was me for I cannot sleep

I've pushed away the dreams

And spoiled the quiet

I'm propelled by fear

And not the righteous

So have you been to a place like this?

To see your breath as it paints against the sky

The fever is near

I wish you were here

I'm thinking ambitious

I've got this feeling things will be alright

So go break a leg night

Been given the green light

So go entertain them

They're waiting for you

Halo...Halo...Special...

Whenever I did look back at it I used to think that way, however, yesterday I got to change my mind for all 360°; there is still something that I can say I miss.

I feel like one of those days which i really feel so thankful for all that i’ve been given. Love can do so many things i’ve finally realized. And i’m truly blessed i’ve got someone who’s become the light that guided me out of that dark tunnel i once put myself into, someone who continues to be the bright light to my path…Is the love still in the air?

p/s....wish you were here...

Life and The Melancholic Night

2006-12-27T23:49:00.000-08:00

Listen to : Makin Aku Cinta -- Kris Dayanti and Anang

Do you know what is the most daunting feeling in this world? The feeling of being sorry, being sorry for yourself. Nothin’ compares to it.

For the past few days I have been thinking about lot of things, too much, actually. Ever had a feeling that you want to talk about something, with someone, but deep inside know that there is no point to it, simply, because only one who can help you is — thyself. It helps to talk with someone, but it doesn't solve the problems you have, in most cases at least.
I have discovered that I don't have what it takes for me to put my thoughts on the paper, so other people could understand me, in any form. It could be nice, but pointless I guess. And no, I haven't failed, I have just discovered things that don't work. However, there are some people who, actually, can do it.

I'm counting days to go to Manila. 6 days to go. I'm leaving on January 3rd.

Just finished record the theme song for " Now And Forever". Title -- Cintaiku Sekali Lagi.

The lyrics was good, and the song was great composed by our Executive Producer....I'm so excited.

I have a wish list.. I wanted to get myself a nice tote from Prada, but still I'm under waiting lists....I wanted it badly....Help!!!! hehehe.. I'm definitely a big spender...shopaholics....and I do shop a lot.....hehehehe.

Life and The Uncertain

2006-12-26T21:06:00.000-08:00

The Uncertain.....

It's so unfair when he wrote that, it's just added more wounds...and she hurts even badly.

How can he said that?

Does he know that he's the one who start all this? Does he realizes how suffer she was?

Does he even think about all the sacrifices that she did for him? If ever he know how she felt...

Still, she was thankful, for all these years there was love around, how he's taking care of her and pampered her. Those years won't easily being forgotten. And she blaming herself for not taking care of it. She said..." sorry " and crying.....

It's find to blame other's as she knew how far is the truth.

She was hurt...not just hurt...she's bleeding, but no one cares.

His quotes

To My Queen,

My hopes keep losing everyday..As you walk with other.

As she did walk with him 5 years ago, and it faded away, let her be happy....just once...let her find herself...give her space....Please.....

To My Queen,

You can lie anything you want,But you know i knew you.

She's good in manipulating. Yes...you said you knew her, but you won't know what's is in her mind...for real...people can't read mind....

To My Queen,

You said i never knew you,

Which part that i don't?

Every part, you don't know her as you rather hurt her than seeking for an effort to makes her happy, yes you did entertain her, you always be there for her, does it enough? Please answer....

To My Queen,

Did you know that i'm losing myself

At night alone?

Did you realize that she losing herself a long time ago....and she never did find her self yet...till now...she long gone....she's all fake....she's no longer the One that you knew...

After all....she wants to apologize for hurting people...If other's know how she's being hurt, badly..... She felt sorry for everyone...even more for herself....Feels like killing herself....

" Sorry " .....

Life and The Beneficial of Life...

2006-12-25T23:05:00.000-08:00

Listen to : All Good Things (Come To An End) -- Nelly Furtado Feat Chris Martin

Dogs were whistling a new tune

Barking at the new moon

Hoping it would come soon

so that they could die

Honestly what will become of me

I don't like reality

It's way too clear to me

But really life is daily

We are what we don't see

We miss everything daydreaming

Flames to dust

Lovers to friends

Why do all good things come to an end

Traveling I always stop at exits

Wondering if I'll stay

Young and restless

Living this way I stress less

I want to pull away when the dream dies

The pain sets it and I don't cry

I only feel gravity and I wonder why

And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day until the feeling went away

And the clouds were dropping and the ................. the rain forgot how to bring salvation

The dogs were whistling a new tune

barking at the new moon

hoping it would come soon

so that they could die

Questions

Why all good things always come to an end?

Question remains without an answer...but yet they must always good things ahead..

Where do I finish?

It depends where I start.

Today

I'm counting days before I leave for the PHP...It's quiet exciting but I will be there longer this time. For 2 and a half month included the shooting days and also post productions.

I'm going again to the happy nations city....I'm happy, I'm excited, Im sad, I'm overwhelming, and I feel that all my emotions mixed up....wait for me to return, wait for me for those who willing to wait. And wait for me if ever you need me....

I'm happy with the project progress. We're still on our track, can't wait to see the end product. It supposed to be distinguished with all the hard work from all of them.

Yesterday

We had fun, Dory celebrated her Christmas with us. We're in Malacca, with everybody elses including Melvin and Abang Lan ( Congrats to Mat Dom Teksi -- Best Comedy in Anugerah Skrin , Janet Khoo winning the Best Comedian Actress For Asian TV Awards...Applause!!! ).

Lyn was enganged with Sab...Congratulations!!!

The Uncertain

I tried to figured out, what am I trying to do? Who am I hurting? I am sorry, as I am totally weak...I am sorry. I don't mean to hurt anybody, it just my heart, that never heal...it's so painful until I don't know what to do. I'm numb....I only can wait....wait for the right time to come...

I'm sorry...yet the love is all yours....

Life and The Green Props

2006-12-25T20:24:00.000-08:00

Coquet - The Ingenuous Da Dory

Melancholic - The Beneficial Black

Vulnerable - The Gracious Anis

Euophoric : The Uncertain GG

Seductive : The Protagonist Lyn and Anis

The Moment Bliss of Joy

Life And The Loneliness

2006-12-23T10:16:00.000-08:00

Listen To : All Good Things Come To An End -- Nelly Furtado Featuring Chris Martin

Those day long gone... I'm hoping for something that will never going to happen. Only I'm the one who imagining it myself. Make myself being torn apart, knowing that all the sweet dreams will never exist.

Obviously everything considered as empty hope, with no ending, makes you happy for a while, then slowly vanished, ended up you lost your wings and fall. That's me...

I'm sorry.. I wanted to learn to love someone and being loved by someone, but in fact, I'm not capable to do that.

I'm playing with my own weaknesses and shadows. I'm creating my own stories, I'm picturing a good life but yet I'm all by myself.....If ever you care and if ever you know how I feel. How weak I am to face this alone. Still I'm okay, and will always be fine. Just don't worry about me, I'm strong enough to cure myself, but I'm just tired of waiting..Love is all yours.....Smile :) . Period.

Merry Christmas To Everyone......

Space Dementia : Muse

Height is the one for me

It gives me all I need

And helps me co-exist with the chill

You make me sick because I adore you so

I love all the dirty tricks

And twisted games you play on me

Space dementia in your eyes

Peace will arise and tear us apart

And make us meaningless again

You'll make us want to die

I'd cut your name in my heart

We'll destroy this world for you

I know you want me to feel your pain

Space dementia in your eyes

Peace will arise and tear us apart

And make us meaningless again

Life and The Reality

2006-12-14T19:53:00.000-08:00

Listen to : Tori Amos -- Love Song

Have you ever think about doing something that you feel is right yet its wrong? And how about if it just to entertain your so called boring life.
Sometimes life is worth waiting…..waiting for something that is not going to happen.
I’m alone again…by myself. Fighting with my crucial negative thought.
Yet there are memories that counts. Its not long ago…still fresh…I will remember it. I won’t forget. We connected, but I need to distance myself, to take control of the self from falling , from flying high and get hurt. I was hurt, I am hurt…yet still hurting till now. I want to breathe the fresh air. It only takes a second, and there it goes. it’s none…I like the feeling when we’re together. I’m not sure…it’s just all about all the empty promises. Yet I need to be born again.
I am hurt. I am sad. All by myself…

It’s all in my head…I don’t want to forget neither being forgotten, its my nature to treasure all the sweet remembrance although it is not significant.
I hurt them, giving hope, yet they hurt me too. I’m tired of waiting, tired to take heed for all the empty promises. Until when? I am not a saint. I can’t last forever.
Day that counts so priceless. If only I can treasure it with sincerity. I can’t devote myself to them entirely. I’m afraid being hurt again.
Still the day will still be fresh until the day comes. I don’t know until when, just let it go. Although it hurt sometimes. So close but yet so far. But still it makes me happy and smile all day long…..This feeling where you cannot get it everyday. It’s just so special…..and I can’t describe it with words. Smile . Period.

"Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows. Swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name?"

Now And Forever

2006-12-11T19:58:00.000-08:00

Project Title : Muli/ Now And Forever
Episodes : 26 Episodes/ 1 hour Show
Cast : Tony Eusoff, Carrie Lee, Alfred Vargas, Daniel Tan, Azizah Mahzan, Shukery Hashim and many more

It’s a count down…Another 7 days to go for our taping days in Malaysia. And another 20 days to go in Manila.
It’s fun although there are too many obstacle yet to be faced. It’s okay. The working culture might not satisfied both parties at first but we manage to handle that. We come out with one mission as we need to get this done with good quality. As they always said… blood + sweat + tears = laughter and joy.
The experienced was good. There are dramas inside the making of the drama. Meeting new people, making new friends. Argument, Loves, Laughter, Joy, Crazy, Angry. The feeling was good. We don’t hate each other. This is just kinda new experience for both country, yet a good learning process as well.
It's tiring, I dont even have time for myself, went to Pangkor and Ipoh for 3 weeks...and straight shoot in KL after that. It's okay. I'm not complaining, yet I am satisfied. A big applause to all the " Now And Forever " team... They are the one who makes all the things worked, and to our co partners from the Philippines, Direk Mac, Cheryl and also the rest of the team..... Thank You.

Life and Friends

2006-11-03T14:29:00.000-08:00

I woke up early, Its 6.00 a.m in the morning. It was a long day since last Monday, we work until 10.00 p.m every day yet we manage to finished the master to all the conclusions..hehehe the “Master Rundown”. But this is a never ending story, it’s going to change everyday depends on the weather, artists and situations *sigh*. This is not a complaint, but as a normal homo sapiens I have the right to say that I’m tired…..still this is just the beginning…On your mark….and then GO….

Looking back on what I said all those years ago, all the hopes and dreams I had, I've come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I'm a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair remember, it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home.

There’s a lot of people character that you may or might not understand, and there was a special someone who left me a few months ago. After she left, I’m missing something, and something wasn’t right somewhere…Then I realize that she’s the only one who always talk nonsense, who always disturb other people, who always argue with me, correct my English pronounciations and yet we have a lot of thing in common although in fact we always have a different opinion .hehehe.

I’m not saying that what I have now wasn’t good. It’s great…everyone is great here..Thanx for always being there for me, but it just that they are not her…..and they can’t be her…Maybe the way we think are different.… I miss you babe…I miss you being around and annoyed me with your voices and in fact the Pirates Battles or anything elses…Although we’ve still seeing each other in fact almost everyday..:)..but she left the office, and I’m spending most of my time with my work@office, and past two years she was around, things are different. It’s okay…we have our own live to live with, and I’ll be happy if everyone is happy…Cheers!!!

"Nobody has all the answers, but we do have all our whys, like why did this happen? Why didn't we see it coming?”

Thanx to those who always be with me through out my happiness and sadness..
I always love all of you……

Life and Sweet November

2006-11-03T01:26:00.000-08:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri,Its Hari Raya Month. Month of November. It just so sweet, My birthday will fall on the 16th of November. I’ll turn 25th this year.*sigh*

My Hari Raya was fine, I celebrated it with my small family, and of course you might not feel the raya mood as my kampong is only in Seremban..hehehe…but still Raya is something special….where you ask for forgiveness with both of your parents…

It’s a busy month actually, we will going for a war staring on the 11th of November until middle of February next year. The shoot will begin, and the team being prepared with all the shields and amour. As I have a strong team this time., I know it will turn out well. It’s going to be great.

I will celebrating my birthday in Pangkor with “ Again “ Production Team. Wow!!!..At the beach…I want to take a lot of picture near the nice beaches…with my colleagues. I hope that Hafez will be there, I want Dory to be there too…and whoever that always makes my life beautiful, not to be forgotten : Anis and Lynn.

I’ve got my 2nd birthday present today from Da Dory. Anis gave me my early present last Saturday, a very sweet lime green fluorescence bag.Anis always buy me things..she’s the nicest sweet kinda girl who always buy stuff for people, and today Dory gave me an expensive give, which I know that I wont spend that much on clothes ..Thanx Babe…she gave me a very voluptuous, sexy, nice red top from Kenzo…..Wow!!..I got an expensive gift..I like it…of course…right Babe!!! Orning…I want an expensive gives too……hehehe

I watch Japanese movie recently : Love Letter
Its unique coz as a normal person you won’t think how she think, and you wont feel like doing what she did. She send a letter to her fiancée address that supposed not to be exist. She wants the letter to be send to heaven, yet she get a replied from the person who have the same name as her late fiancée…and both of them replied each other’s letters, and she found out something that she might don’t want to know and vice versa. It just so sad, as I my emotions suddenly feel confused and I want to feel how both of them feels….

Life and Goodbye.....

2006-10-02T03:08:00.000-07:00

Listen to : Silent Hill -- Tears of Pain

People come and go. Living things sooner will end up dead. Practically its all chain, and what’s matter the most is patient and passion. How to live life the fullest ? How to deal with different circumstances? How to make a deal? How to be close to people? What is the best remedy for being a melancholic? How to stay out from misery ? Why you need to be so secretive and phlegmatic? The question all started with How, When, Why and What…….

Bon Voyage…. My sister favorite… She cried, bury it at the lawn, with marks, pieces of glasses. Bon will be missed. Known as a good one, cheering life, bring out laughter , entertain the isolate heart. Yet I’m just seeing it, she’s the one who felt it. I saw, I feel, I know…..but the real pain is for the one who felt the lose, someone who really close…..It’s only a furry creature yet communicate well with her. Bon’s the best buddy, ‘non’ replaceable. She don’t want to have favorite’s anymore…just care from far, give some love, yet will never owned one………

As for me, my 2 kitten died yesterday. One left…hope will survive. It’s tiny, yet fragile.

My work… pressured me sometimes. Makes me matured enough to make a decision. I’m currently happy with my work. Happy with the work environment, it’s tough, challenging, qualified enough to make you sometimes wants to jump out from the top of the building, of course once you’ve been pressured by the superiors. Yet, this job is all win and win situation.. Blood + Sweat + Tears = Laughter + Happiness. Once you get the result, than you will feel the satisfaction. That’s what I need. Money is important too. Satisfaction is not enough, it must be fair Money + Satisfaction = Felicity.
Overall….I’m 25 years old now….and I’m happy with what I’m doing right now, it makes me forget that I have other things to worry about. People complain, I do complain sometimes, but still it doesn’t stop me to like my job even more. I don’t know how long I will do this. Maybe another 10 to 15 years, maybe forever. I don’t know…Let the faith decide for me…..

My life : Chapter 1
I’m happy…it’s fasting month…I love the feel when the time comes “ Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar”. It’s Maghrib. The time to break fast. The feel is good when you start drinking the cold water, and there’s a lot of food in front of you. Wow….it’s heaven. But….what makes me so sad was, all the hawker’s in ‘Pasar Ramadhan’ took advantage on other people. Selling thing with inappropriate price….very expensive, and the quality of the food is nothing compared to the high price. It just frustrating.
However, it’s really good when you break the fast with your friend…the funny part was….we always ate in the office. It’s fun tough….hehehehe

My other life : Chapter 2
My life…I’ve surrounded with love, people that love me, people that I love, but still undeniable that there is a hatred environment around. I’m not a saint, I never declare myself as a good girl or a ‘saint’ . I’m only a typical girl yet a bit different from other’s ‘thinking’ phenomenal. I hate some people. It’s fair as people hates me too…hehehe. People will always hate other people. Envy of other’s.
Sometimes I feel closely connected to them, sometimes I’m not. I have my own eccentric inside myself that I need to change, it just a matter of I want to change it or not, neither one. I make people sad sometimes, I make people cry, I make people hates me. But do they care about me? Do they know how I feel? Do they know that I felt sorry for myself everyday? I have my own thoughts that I can’t share it with anyone, just describe the feeling : pain, sad, hypocrisy, hopeless, hard. Nobody cares, nobody knows, yet if they know, they can’t feel it, they just knew and can’t do anything…..and I’m buried, just clearly see the hands asking for help and forgiveness.

Life and Ordinary Tears

2006-09-26T02:10:00.000-07:00

Silence : Delerium Feat. Sarah Mclachlan

Give me release
Witness me
I am outside
Give me peace
Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up
When the rage in me subsides

Passion
Chokes the flower
Until she cries no more
Possessing all the beauty
Hungry still for more

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up
When the rage in me subsides

In this white wave
I am sinking
In this silence
In this white wave...
In this silence...

I believe I can't help this longing...
Comfort me I can't hold it all in...
If you won't let me...

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up
When the rage in me subsides

In this white wave
I am sinking
In this silence
In this white wave...
In this silence...

I believe I have seen you...
In this white wave
You are silent
You are breathing
In this white wave...

I am free

Life and Silence

2006-09-25T19:14:00.000-07:00

The day never end, it just started. All of a sudden, I felt that I’m such a Looser. I want to fly high, but I can’t spread my wings. I want to be in the eyes of the creation, yet I’m too tiny and hard to acknowledge. I want to be the part of all happiness, yet I’m surrounded with sorrowfulness. What can I be? When can they notice? How will they discover me, that I’m one of them? Am I too low self esteem? She was a girl who has determination of her own, endure with her own world, yet confidence enough to proof herself. She did that to some people, she already demonstrates to those who want to know, she believes in what she see….eyes will never lies. Words can be a deceit yet, silence is a good remedy. Defend is a right word for this circumstances.

These are the crucial situations that make her bleed….

1001 Questions? Sometime it doesn’t make sense.
Statement? Make the heart broken
Truth? Hurts
Lies? Bleeding Inside.
Arrogant? So…..
Opportunity….Lucky
Ignorance? Depression
Isolated? Calm
Envy? Never better
Wishful Thinking? Peace
Tears? Companion
Comparison? Kill
Intelligence? Things to be compared
Love? Doesn’t ensure happiness

She won’t say it out loud, she can’t express her feeling too much as it will cause so much pain to others. She rather keeps it to herself and play along with existence negative thoughts which sometime can kill her. Yet, the satisfaction of thinking and manipulating…only she knows BEST!!!

Life and Bla Bla...

2006-09-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

Listen to : Romeo and Juliet OST

Aloha…..A stupid fable before I go to bed........

As the JV project called “ Again / Now and Forever “, the Pre Pro start this October and the Production will be somewhere in November. There’s a lot of hard work in October, luckily I have a really good team…We even have our own soundtrack for this 26 eps series, Php Version ( tagalong ) and Malaysia version ( Bahasa Melayu ). This project excites me so much, as it’s going to bring me to the dejavu land again. The cast has been selected… its surprise, once it’s really confirm, I’ll update.

There are a lot of stories lately ( can't tell all too many..emm..anger, sadness,happiness, depression, hatred....and bla..bla..bla..)Let me tell a good one... my lovely BOTI ( my cat ) gave birth to 3 kittens….damn cute…hehehe, one for me, one for Anis and one for Jay…for those, don’t worry, you are still in the waiting list. Can’t wait for them to grew bigger, as I want to squeeze them tightly.hehehe..just kidding.

It’s 1.56 a.m, I can’t sleep, maybe I slept too much in a day. Wait until 4 a.m and then ‘ sahur ‘..if not… surely I’ll be hungry tomorrow. Actually my superior gave us a complimentary off day for a week, because we work every Saturday and Sunday since 2 months ago, but when I think twice, I’ll get bored staying at home, might as well going to work….hahaha, maybe I’ll be on leave on Wednesday ( nak jalan-jalan).

I’m waiting every week on Tuesday at 10.30 a.m for Prison Break Season 2 torrent. I’ll download it before I go to work. Can’t download it in the office..will get scolded by our IT technician…so then after I came back from work, download complete hehehe…..and on Wednesday will bring it to work, and pass to the rest…OMG….copyright in Malaysia are really bad…..Period.

“ I am a girl who did no wrong,
I walked this side of path when I could,
I kept an angel in my pocket,
I do not think it did me any good”

Good night.....

Life and The Princess Hours

2006-09-24T11:07:00.000-07:00

Listen to : Heart OST

Assalamualaikum.

It’s Ramadhan, first day fasting. Its Sunday, less tiring. Woke up a bit later. My first Sunday stayed at home since 2 months ago. All the troublesome gone, yet came another hassle after the post mortem. It’s a challenging situation, yet its fun though. Me an the rest of the team really put all our effort into this, yes! We do satisfied for what we did, and how about the client point of views. I even asked the team even our superior “ Kita ni syok sendiri ke?” However, these are all games, yet I know that we did a good job, it just the matter of power, which they are the one who hold it, and absolutely we are the victim of all these…

Life is unfair sometimes. I even cried as I can’t see a clear picture of my future until last week, where my superior wants to be the Junior Producer of another JV project. Thank him. I’m looking forward to do this, and this is the reason why I’m staying. This temporary hopes can makes my heart beat faster and smile, its okay, as long as I can feel the heat. My best colleague left me, working with another Production Company. Congratulation to her. She did a good job..Surely miss her. Take this chance to thank her, she taught me a lot, and she’s the most crazy one that I’ve ever met and I treasure her a lot…Applause to Da Dory….

Time flew so fast. It’s almost October, I’m getting older in November. Hehehe.
I’m 25 years old this year. There are still a lot of question marks running in my head. Of course without any ANWERS yet. I’ll figure out slowly and make a list.

I watched some movies recently. The recent one was an Indonesian Movie called
“Heart”. It’s a good movie if you watched it once, and the second time you will find it a bit too draggy and you wish if like you watching a DVD so then you can fast forward it. Hehehe. It’s a good movie though, play with a beautiful scenery, what I like the most is the movie soundtrack…of course the music director is Melly Goeslow herself. No wonder…The soundtrack make the story more alive, I even have a goose bump when I heard it and noted that it’s been recorded with China Orchestra…Cool Huh!!!...Emm…wondering when can Malaysia have this kinda art work? Hehehe….Sorry.

“ Goong – Princess Hour “ – its Korean. My first Korean drama, as I hated Korean drama because as I found that their people are not that good looking ( I have a very bad experience with Korean before ) – my assumption only!!!
Emm…but I’m wrong, as I liked this drama quiet a lot..OMG!!! I’m 25 years old this year….Well…its all about fairy tale, and I supposed not to day dreaming anymore…hehehe…The soundtrack kinda cool…I listen to it almost everyday…( I know I’ll get bored later ). I watched the series non stop and I didn’t sleep until the next morning although I need to direct the next day….but I manage to do it….And on Sunday…I got fever because too tired and not enough sleep…Padan Muka!!...After all its worth it though….Period.

For those Muslim out there…” Selamat Berpuasa “…..:)

Life, Hope and A Prayer..

2006-08-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

Please survive...Please....I can't take it if he leaves me...
I went to the vet last night at 1.30a.m, he was lethargy, no appetite and 2 days before he had a fever. I thought it's normal for a cat, usually they get fever for a couple of days and getting better, but not cha cha....he just lying there, no energy, and even forced him to eat, if not he'll be the one who ask for food when his container is empty.I'm sad....I cried the whole night yesterday....The result will be out tonight as the doctor said that he might get F.I.P, its uncurable disease. He's bloating, and might have fluid in his abdomen that clog his respiratory.It just so sad, to see him in front of me, can't do anything. I want him to be healthy again. He was so special, come to us when we called his name, he has his favourite comforter where he will come to it and drooling, he will bite your toe when his hungry, and he will stay still when hugs him. He just so adorable and I don't want to lose him.I can't stop crying. I love him so much. Please....I hope that I will get a positive result tonight. Please...God...help me....

Life and The Rules

2006-07-16T20:51:00.000-07:00

Do you a freedom to be yourself? Not all the time...
It is difficult to be yourself... but it’s hard to fake just not want to be yourself.
Cause sometimes you have to adapt to the people around you or the atmosphere to make a living...
Then slowly because of adapting too much you tend to forgot the true you.. and that is when the depression inside of you starts to grow unintentionally... Then you start to feel isolated feels and feels that no one understands you because you get bored and mope easily or maybe fed up of what you are trying to be...
Being yourself sometimes can be risky as you might not know there are very smart and vicious out there and can catch your weakness and use it against you. I don’t know. Am I fake? Or am I trying to hard to be myself or someone else? When I think again……. I’m still standing with my own feet, when I look at the mirror, I still see myself and I believe that I still me, and when I try to be somebody that I don’t it hurts.

Episode 6

She starts her routine like any other day before. Nothing special. He starting up with his blood, good for him, congratulations !!!
As usual, she always left out, being left behind, with everything that already been discussed, already being thrown out, they doing it great instead.She just sitting there knowing nothing but expecting for HOPE which will never have.
It's not like them, they planned everything together, they monitor everybody's character they open their heart to each other,but how as a two person, you interact as one. Where is the other one? Then, what will happened? Misscommunication? Misunderstanding?

The Q & A...

2006-07-10T23:46:00.000-07:00

10 most stupid questions?

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question: Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: Don't u know, I sell illegal tickets here.

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes
steps on your feet...
Stupid Question: Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer: No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia. Why don't you try
again?

3. At a funeral: One of the teary eyed people ask...
Stupid Question: Why, why him, of all people.
Answer: Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question: Is the "Paneer Butter Masala" dish good?
Answer: No, it's terrible and made of adulterated cement. We
occasionally also spit on it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you
after years.
Stupid Question: Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer: Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question: Is the guy you're marrying well?
Answer: No, he's a miserable wife beating, insensitive lout...it's
just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question: Sorry. Were you sleeping?
Answer: No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in
Africa marry or not.And you thought I was sleeping.... You
dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question: Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer: No, its autumn and I'm shedding.

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your
mouth...
Stupid Question: Tell me if it hurts?
Answer: No it won't. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question: Oh, so you smoke.
Answer: Gosh, it's a miracle ...it was a piece of chalk and now
it's in flames!

Life and Mind...

2006-07-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

Listen to : The Two Of Us - Suede

I cant sleep.My mind was elsewhere.

I watched Just My Luck with da Dory, just to entertain ourselves, It’s a simple happy ending movie, Lindsay Lohan in it.
Da Dory was assigned to go to Indonesia, as I’m still stuck here, hope everything is in order the way it was planned., and I will get myself to the happy land again .

People talked about relationship everyday, and life sucked everyday, shit did happened.
Poor they, as I can’t comfort them, yet I’m not in that position to consult, just did the best way that I can to support them. A friend once said “GG don’t be in that position, no matter how strong you are, coz it’s uncontrollable.” Shit!!! Suddenly I’m scared….

When talking about me, I’m fine just a matter of satisfying or overwhelming. I’m not sure. My life turns upside down sometimes. I don’t know how to feel sometimes, lucky? Unlucky? I’m not sure.

What do you think of these?

Situation 1
People leave the one that they loved because they don’t love the person anymore. And without any potential reason, makes he/her waits for answers.

Situation 2
Everything’s fine, it’s about to get attached but one of them not yet ready facing commitment.

Situation 3
Parent’s bless. They choose whom you will marry to, it doesn’t matter if he/her love the person or not.

Situation 4
He/her not sure about how they felt for each other yet still care and loved.

Situation 5
Unfaithful or infidelity?

Situation 6
He/her confused what’s their position after being rejected, yet they still loved and hope in the air. Hope to changed and be loved again.

Situation 7
She still wants him, will do anything to make he accept her back, he got someone else, is it worth it if she still waiting and hoping? For how long ?

Situation 8
He’s attached, still think about his ex’s even making conversation about his ex’s with her girlfriend and ask question “ I love you, but can I marry my ex’s because I pity her?”

Situation 9
She's the lady boss, because he don't make just enough.

Situation 10
He doesn’t loved her anymore. She love him so much. He can’t say no because he will feel sorry for her.

Life and Break

2006-07-10T01:52:00.000-07:00

Listen to Addicted -- Kelly Clarkson

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

Hey...I was devastated, there's been a lot of reasons lately.
I'm working on with a new sitcom, its a quick one, only takes 10 days to finish, and my full concentration will be with the JV project against GMA, hope everything will turns out fine.
We've been involved ourselves in a healthy lifestyle lately, emm, not to be said that I used to called people "poyo" especially those hunky with a huge muscle, obviuosly my target is not that, just to get a little tone and firm, of course everybody wants to look good including myself....hehehehe....it's good to have a friend with the same interest but different objective.....hehehehe
I was free for 2 weeks, and I made myself busy watching dvd's.

Amelie -- starring Audrey Tautou

It was a good French movie, it's quiet an old movie actually ( 4 years back), as I just watched it recently, Audrey played a unique character, done a lot of thing to please and helped people surrounds her. I still remember one scene, the old blind man wanted to cross the road, she saw him and helped him crossed, while explaining to him in details what's going on all the way, she described everything even into the flavour of ice cream the boy was eating...it's cool. The cinematography is nice, I'm not yet to the level to make any criticsm comment or compliment, but what I see is what I believe..its a good movie....and I'm enjoying myself watching it :)

Prison Break

Again, I missed this. Everybody watched these series last year, and I just watched it 2 days ago. It took me one whole day to finish the whole season, I had lunch in my room.I don't wanna go out, I slept the next morning ( Sunday ) at 7.30 a.m. I was addicted, curious to know more and more...I hate surprising yet I want to know what's going on next.Can't wait for season 2 next August. Wentworth Miller is too hot...hehehe

Life and Time

2006-06-12T01:10:00.000-07:00

Hey..the trip was fine. I've got company, da Dory, of course with three of our bosses. The meeting with GMA was fine, it was fruitful, as we finally comes to the decision where the project is on. Will start pre pro asap, and actual shooting days will be on the last week of August til October. Its a long way to go. Another Philippnes project with a different team, hell yeah!! It's a good team I supposed.
While in the Php, we managed to meet Roselle, Dodi and Karl, the trip wasn't long, Only 4 days and 3 nights, as usual it always valuable, we went to some clubs (x included the bosses -- but they 'having fun' too..hehehe), we went out for shopping, as usual makan, well, its good as I dont ave much time to spaend, its quite tight, I didn't shop a lot...thats a good achievement.

Episode 5

She doesn’t know where she went wrong, if she knew she want to turn back the time and fix it. Is it him? Is it she? Are they considering unlucky? She thinks again, she can’t even glimpse a vision for her future, is she totally unreliable? Hopeless? What does she wants? What else she wants? She can’t even answer. Can she buy happiness? Can she buy people ? Can she buy time? How can she sacrifice for her happiness? She can’t stop crying, but she can’t regret the pass. Does she need to cry everyday? Which part of her that she needs to change? Changes that can makes everybody’s pleased. She pity him, ‘the two of us’ she can’t be selfish to say that his are her’s. There are no blood related, they are just two strangers that meant to be with each other. Conclusion, her sadness makes her mind exaggerate furiously, no boundary. Can anybody save her from her mind?

Life and HomoSapiens

2006-06-10T12:41:00.000-07:00

Listen to Chevaliers de sang real – Hans Zimmer

It was weekend. I love weekend. I just stay at home. My moms gave me ‘ sambal udang with petai ‘ although I didn’t eat petai ,but its as requested by da Dory.

Its 7 p.m.
I decided to write before getting ready for our movie. We will watch X Men 3 tonight.

Its 1.12 a.m.
I watched X Men 3 : The Last Stand with Hafez, Ain, Dory, Lin and Sab.
Overall, I still like Wolverine. I like Jean Gray/Phoenix red hair, and the dress also.
If I’m one of the mutant, what will I be? I want to be Phoenix as she’s the coolest mutant…hehehehe.
I don’t like Pyro character. I saw him as someone who always butter up Magneto’s ass, I don’t even see his effectiveness compared to other mutant..the best word for him is ‘poyo’..hehehe. Poor Scott..he’s dead..I don’t like him either, so it’s fine with me.

The World Cup started yesterday. My house was cram with Hafez’s friend yesterday….Its okay….once in four years. His favorite team Germany, emm…if you asked me, I’m not that interested with football, just a couple of cute guys that attract me, what a lame answer…excuse me…
Well, back then when I was 17 years old I used to like Manchester United, when Eric Cantona was their captain. I like Beckham ( his no 24 before ) and Ryan Giggs. I saved money just to buy their magazine…OMG…Those years man….hehehehe

I’m flying to the Philippines next Wednesday. I hope that I can go with Da dory, she still thinking…I’m going with my boss, that’s not too bad as I’ve been there few times already…I like to be there, it makes me happy…..besides the shopping is good too.

Episode 4

There was an assembling which just demand for those who are invited. His not going. Just the invited one. It was an issue of a matter of life and bonding. However it wouldn’t include her as she’s no special in front of their vary eyes, She just nobody full of sin, arrogance and selfishness. She had nothing. She’s not reaching the level which can be approved by them. They need to force themselves in front of him. He’s the main character, play the important part to fix the situation. She can’t help, coz she’s still fighting with her inner self, yet she is selfish herself. Let them be happy, let them be the light to bright their house, let them be somebody who will be adored by everybody, and yet she just staring from the ground, and watch their happiness. She promised, not even a single step, or expressing gratitude…let she be in her own world. The world that she creates herself, the world of selfishness. She asks for forgiveness from him and from Allah Al Mighty…..

Life and Routine

2006-06-08T01:15:00.000-07:00

Listen to : Lori Carson and Paul Haslinger -- I Want To Believe You

I watched The Producers the other day. I dunno, its just okay because I'm not a fond of musical movie myself, so I dont know how to judge it. But I like Moulin Rouge probably because of the score. Have you heard about 8 women? Its a France movie and its musical...it just okay, I realy don't know how to rate it.
Well as for The Producers Uma Thurman play Ulla, as a Swedish girl, she doing great with the accent and she dance very well too...She's good though. I like her , I like her ex husband as well ( Ethan Hawke )...So sad, they are not together anymore.

This is what I'm planning to do today...
1. Download The Da Vinci Code Ost
2. Watch Kiki's Delivery Service By Hayao Miyazaki
3. Buy X Men 3 ticket for Saturday.
4. Finish the proposal which the due date is tomorrow...hahahaha

Episode 3
She was happy recently. She's overwhelming her current situations...Its just an ordinary day for her until he fix it. When will he fix it? Will he? There will be no ending if its still lying there.......

Life and Prime....

2006-06-04T22:37:00.000-07:00

Listen to : Like A Friend -- Pulp

Don't bother saying you're sorry.
Why don't you come in?
Smoke all my cigarettes - againe.
Every time I get no further.
How long has it been?
Come on in now,
Wipe your feet on my dreams.

You take up my time,
Like some cheap magazine,
When I could have been learning something.
Oh well, you know what I mean.

I've done this before.
And I will do it again.
Come on and kill me baby,
while you smile like a friend.
And I'll come running,
Just to do it again.

You are the last drink I never should drunk.
You are the body hidden in the trunk.
You are the habit I can't seem to kick.
You are my secrets on the front page every week.
You are the car I never should have bought.
You are the train I never should have caught.
You are the cut that makes me hide my face.
You are the party that makes me feel my age.

Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid.
Like a plane I've been told I never should board.
Like a film that's so bad but I've gotta stay til the end.
Let me tell you now,
It's lucky for you that we're friends

Here.....
I just watched two DVD’s last night.
Let me wrote down a few lines.

PRIME

The DVD was in the rack since ages, I didn’t touch that until last night when I was really driled and I decide to watched that. It turns out as nice movie though. Probably because I like Uma Thurman. I like most of her outfit in Prime. Prime is a gentle comedy that weaves a tale of two lovers facing an unusual obstacle where its involve ages. It's a sophisticated, character comedy set in New York City about Rafi (Uma Thurman), a recently divorced 37-year-old career woman from Manhattan and what happens when Dave (Bryan Greenberg), a talented 23-year-old painter falls in love with her. The film looks at love from everyone's point-of-view friends, relatives and in this case, Rafi's therapist Lisa (Meryl Streep) and follows all who comes apart and some who pull it together, when two people fall in love. I like the ending...This is absolutely recommended, it's too Sweet...Watch it please.....

MATCHPOINT

The Tagline : Passion Temptation Obsession
From my point of view, this movie is about love and lust, emm...I dont like it very much. Its focused on a relationship where Chris Wilton ( Jonathan Rhys Meyers ) is a former tennis pro, looking to find work as an instructor. He meets Tom Hewett, a well-off pretty boy. Tom's sister Chloe falls in love with Chris but Chris has his eyes on Tom's fiancée, the luscious Nola ( scarlett Johansson ). Both Chris and Nola know it's wrong but what could be more right than love? Chris tries to juggle both women but at some point, he must choose between them. Love or Wealth ? Of course you knew the answer...ta da......Conclusion : I don't like this movie...hehehe

Episode 2
They were happy (they is not refer to him or her ). This is another character created to make the story more interesting. She assume that they laughed at them, she just stare, she seems bothered, she heart broken, yet she still standing still. She were about to break into pieces, she saw the hand, there is two hands with blood, she recognise the hand, she recognize the blood, she cant recalled the other hand, she realize, thats her own blood which will save her from tearing apart. She just ignored the other hand, she left and she burst into tears, she can't bare the burden anymore.....suddenly her mind recalled , she recognizes the other hand, but the decision have been made...she cried more......and never turning back.

Life and Deception

2006-06-01T00:52:00.000-07:00

Listen to : Great Expectation Score : Planes on a Planes

It's been two weeks, there is nothing much to do, just a normal procedure, budgetting and stuff like that. I'm in a hectic situation, whereby I cant't think straight. But still I can play games...hehehe
I had fun recently, we went to Maison with the the two bubly Indonesian host, with Anis, Lyn, Dory and Along of course....we had fun. They forced me to go...otherwise I will only 'fly kite'. Last Saturday we watched " The Da Vinci Code " again, this time with Dory, Anis and Tony companinon, i think I understand more after second time of watching.
Its lunch time now...I skip lunch....ta da...then I started blogging since the idea is still in my head.

p/s I want to watch X Men 3

Episode One
He talks to her. She takes the words. She give herself a chance yet she still know the ending. She wants her story to end up like a fairytale, where they all live happily ever after. She played with her own imagination in her head, she presume everything is fine yet its all deceit. She can live with that, to make both parties happy. She can live like this, how about him? She can live her life with no assurance, with no guarantee, she can be with him as long as he wants her, but yet there will be no affiliation committed, coz she's on his side was comparable, and disaproval.How can she assure that? She just knew, he disagree, yet its the truth that we both need to bare. She can feel the force of the faces to smile, to talk and to communicate with her, she just knew, and its all within herself...its the SECRET that she will keep...shut her mouth, from him of course.....What will he think ?

Life and Forfeit...

2006-05-26T00:46:00.000-07:00

Listen to : All Of Them -- King Arthur OST

Time flew so fast. Everybody's moved on...I'm stuck with a dead life of mine, there's no way for me to turn unless there is hope awaiting for me which I doubt it.
Im sorry for all people out there, those who care for me, those who accept me the way I am. Thank you so much, there is no word can describe my appreciation.
I feel like floating, walking but can't feel my leg, I'm hopeless....I saw people laughing at me, but I can just watch them laugh without correcting them...its okay...they laughed because they succeed, they laugh because they achieve what they want, they laugh because they happy to see I'm downhearted....

Prologue...
She once told that people will love you the way you are, but some people aren't, they need to be please to make they like you. Is that fair?
She said....she can live her own way.....she can be isolated...she don't care.She doesnt't need a stranger( someone which is not her blood )to helped her. She can climb slowly and reach to the top. Blood is thicker than everything...Choose the blood rather than a stranger. She can be mean. She can ruined his life, but she won't do that. She give him opportunity to choose what he wants the most....or does he had a choice? Yes he is. In her point of view, she's willing to sacrifice and being sacrificed, she claimed it as a punishment from all the bad deeds that she's done in the past.

She will accept all the consequences. She hates being rejected by them, she hates being laugh by them, she hates when she's being ignored, she hates when she doesn't know what's going on, she hates when they treated her nice yet they forced to do that. She hates her. She choose to be alone for everybody's sake....can he release her? Its the most selfish thing that she asked him to do.Please....
What will happened to her?

Life...with Taurus

2006-05-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday To You. He had a good Birthday I think. I hope..
This is the best part..Early day he received a basket of rose with red balloons and 10 inch bear...how sweet!! hahaha..Its from his preferred enemy..da Dory...that’s her plan for Hafez birthday this year.....Its funny because we send the basket to his office and of course, his colleague will said..WTF? hahaha...This is how its written ‘Dear Hafez, Happy Birthday Sucker!!! , From : secret admire….whatever dude!!!
We had dinner after that at Korean BBQ Plaza Pantai, everybody were there, all my close friend and my sisters. Me and Hafez then watched Da Vinci Code, I didn’t give him anything this year, oops! sorry, just a small surprise, brought him to watch Da Vinci Code...gold class.ta da..its really comfy though...hehe..Have a good birthday...Month of May, month of Birthdays…Happy Birthday To All Of You…..Check out some pic
Conclusion :

Description - Taurus

Primary Characteristics
Self Reliant
Wise
Positive Personality Traits
Patient and reliable
Persistent and determined
Placid and security loving
Warmhearted and loving

Dangers
Can be jealous and possessive
Can be resentful and inflexible
Can be self-indulgent and greedy

Life and S.E.C.R.E.T

2006-05-20T03:45:00.000-07:00

S.E.C.R.E.T.
Have you ever dream,
Seated in my place,
Thinking bout all the sweetness and sullen,
Nobody will know,
Perhaps you would sense,
Facing all the crowded words,
And you heart is not immortal,
Can you justify?
As the silence night makes me awake,
And how hard for me to immers,
But as honest if you could understand,
I'm here, will never go farther.
My story is not yet to the end,
Still can't see the burden your facing
I'm hopeless,
I just saved it to myself,
And let it be the secret.
Still when I live in the world call love,
It wont fade away,
I will stop saying,
Let it be the secret,
Which only my heart can tell.

Life and Fear !?

2006-05-16T07:29:00.000-07:00

ALL AT SEA -- RICHARD WALTERS ( CSI Miami S0421 )

Silence is empty, filled with breaths from mouths
that never move no more,
she talked some more, she talks now
and all the lights went out in empty rooms
and now the empty hall
I talk alone, i talk now
And all I wanted was a Chance to see you anyway

hold me, fold me up in your arms
faster, my love, sinking and gone

I was aware the time, I was a son before i met you dear
I talk alone, i talk now
and all the lights go out in empty rooms
and now the dirty hall
I talked alone, I talk now
And all I wanted was a Chance to see you anyway

Hold me, fold me up in your arms
Faster, my love, shrinking and gone
Hold me, my love
Telling me don't be afraid
Wouldn't you want me to swim
Wouldn't you want me to stay?

Hold me my love
Telling me won't be afraid
Wouldn't you want me to swim
Wouldn't you want me to stay

I just read CSI Miami Review for eps 24 from the net, and it was just sad coz Marisol ( Alana De La Garza ) was shot, and she just married to Horatio. In the next episode Delko and Horatio will seek for revenge. ( However...it just so sad..poor Horatio ).

We're having a good night yesterday. We went to Karaoke to celebrate Lynn's birthday ( Dory chose a Happ Birthday song from the list and we sing it to her )...I need to upload picture later. Before that during lunch Anis's arranged a surprise for Lynn, we waited her to enter the office room and then we scream...HAPPY BIRTHDAY...ans she was ball over...hehehe....Its fu...Wow TAURUS, you guys getting a lot of surprises huh!!!

MY FEAR FACTOR?
I am concerned about making the "right" decisions than many people around me when it comes to my future? Or am I sometimes worry more than I should about committing to my personal or professional goals or feel anxious that I'll never really be successful?

What actually that I fear the most ? I’m afraid of moving forward.
It can be a real strength to recognize your fears. By being aware of the things that frighten you, you can assess whether fear is helping you or negatively impacting your life. For instance, a fear of moving forward may sometimes motivate you to take action in a positive way, like by experiencing a wider variety of things than others.

Life and Another Birthday..

2006-05-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

Today is another special day especially for TAURUS. Happy Birthday to Lynn. Testimonials dedicated to Lynn for her birthday ( tak payah tulis kat friendster...hehehe ). She's very firm with her decision, she's good in doing chores, she can be a good housewife ( as in F.R.I.E.N.D.S she can play Monica very well ). She's very particular with everything. That's really good practise. However, she can be your survivor, she's very kind at heart...and i love you...Have A Nice Birthday.....May Allah Bless You in Everything That You Do.

Life...Its The Same

2006-05-13T04:24:00.000-07:00

I was so bored..Lazy saturday, I'm doing spring cleaning....and watching SCRUBS ( Third season ). Its fun, killing my time. I then surfing the net, reply some mails. I' m still excited about my new notebook, however I'm disappointed about my camera, I'll buy exactly the same one with 7.0 megapixel sob...sob...

I have plans for end of this year or probably early next year. I hope that I can send my sister ( Ain ) to Mellbourne, of course wih my parents. And I'll make sure I have some savings and will apply for leave as soon as I get the date...hehehe.

I want to go to the beach ( we might go in July )...I want to go diving..I'm afraid of water, but no harm trying since its a wonderful thing to do. I love staring at the sea, it reminds me from my previous shooting days back in Langkawi, I've been there for a month, I miss the smell of the sea, the sounds of the tidal wave, the fresh air and the peaceful environment. I wish if I can turn back time..and appreciate it even more....

Life...Happy Mother's Day

2006-05-12T21:01:00.000-07:00

Hey..I LOST MY SONY DIGITAL CAMERA. I think I misplaced it somewhere. I hate that. I cant stop thinking about it. I've got a ew notebook yesterday, I was so happy but then I realize something missing when suddenly I wanted to use it...my digital camera. I want it back...Luckily, I manage to transfer all my pic from previous trip. However I'm still hope that I wil find it.

Yesterday was Anis's birthday. We did a small surprise party for her, with Lynn as the mastermind, Dory, Hafez, Cindy, Tony and me. It went well, Anis was surprised, and we ate domino's pizza until we cant move...also with the moist chocolate cake.....hehehehe...after that, we watch TV and we went home at 2am...sti thinking about the camera...uwaaaa. Lynn birthday is coming...Hafez birthday is on the corner (TAURUS)..em...still thinking...what to give them...pokai..pokai...hehehe

This Sunday is a Mother's Day, will go back home, and have dinner with everybody...I know she will be very happy when everybody's gather togeher..Of course..we love u Mama...My mom loves us ( I have 3 sisters ) so much as I dont have any words to describe how much I love her, since I was a kid, I will get whatever I wanted,I was spoilt till now, she'll cook our favourite dish when she know that we're coming home, she was so concern until you tell her that you are big enough to take care of yourself. I love her so much and I want to make her happy and will please her the best way that I can..Can I do that? Happy Mother's Day......

Life...and Time ( Happy Birthday)

2006-05-11T10:17:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Anis ( 12th May 2006 )
She’s lovely, love to see her smile ( mcm bf and gf pulak ).
We just knew each other for 8 months but I like her honestly. I used to called her flower girl ( she love to wear flower's accessories, she's fancy, she's colourful, cheerful , she likes to laugh( the fun part is when she laugh without any sound ). She’s like a sister to me. Alwiz come out with advices, and I’m hardly listen to anyone, but I can always listen to her, coz she has her own way to approach me…I love her….Happy Birthday To You. May Allah Bless You in Everything That You do.

Life and The Shadows

2006-05-11T09:10:00.000-07:00

I can't write here..I'm afraid of my own shadows, I want to write, I wanna share something but I cant. I'm hurt...How to cure a broken heart? How to make people love you more? How to control yourself for not being selfish?

I hate my life...I'm bored with all the routine, I appreciate everything that I have..but does it make me happier? I dont know...Its good to be envy with other's but dont compare your life with them. Just live your life...learnt to be it. How? Can I do it alone? Can i change my path of life? Can I be somebody else that I'm not? Can I just hate other people? Can people just hate me?
Sometimes I questions my self? Am I that bad? Am I so unlucky? Help me please...I'm totally hopeless...

I’m so sick of speaking words that no one understands. Is it clear enough that you can’t live your whole life all alone. I can hear you when you whisper.
But you can’t even hear me screaming. I'm afraid, but I can't abandon everyone, as I cant escape.There's no way to escape...

There's always being a reason when someone feel sad, as for me, I always not satisfied with what I've had, I hate being me, I doubt about my future, I'm not even happy with myself, and I always look down on me, I'm confident enough to convince other people but not myself, I dont think I've done enough to other's who needs me, I'm hardly listen to anyone..I just listen to me.I always think about me, everythings is all about me, but sometimes its not...there is still a room for me to think about other's.

I want to live my life the fullest, I want to make everyone that I love happy,as I want to pleased them the best way that I can. I cant imagine if I'm losing someone that I love the most, I'd rather replace their place than see them go...I'm willing to do that...but I can't...Sometime's I cant sleep if I'm thinking about death. Im not afraid of death, but I'm scared if it happen to all people that I love..I cant imagine that, but that's life, people who live will die. Life is precious, too bad for me as I cant appreciate life as it is...Life is beautiful.. YES absolutely for some reasons, but life sometimes just hurt me....every second and minutes of my life..I'm sorry but I just hurt......Terribly hurt....And i'm alone....Suddenly I miss my dad,my mom , my sisters....I'll always love you no matter what....

Life and Laziness...

2006-05-10T01:24:00.000-07:00

Holla everyone....Had a long chat with my superior yesterday, he likes to tell story and we love to listen to it. He's a good mentor, me and Dory just kept listening until time passes us by...I still remembered during our trip to Singapore, we went eat at Marche....and he accidentally missed his bus because he never stopped telling stories..the journey of his life to be exact....its good to know though.
Im bored..I've got things to follow up...but I'm too lazy to do that....Conclussion...I'm damn lazy to do anything.....

LIfe...and Aching Heart...

2006-05-08T20:25:00.000-07:00

Listen To : I Would Die For You -- Garbage

I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine

I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear

I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you

See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time I am talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored

I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart

I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me

Violate all The love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored

Im currently involved with another JV between DV( Malaysia ) and GMA ( Philippines )...Emmm....well start to do pre production works now, as to be honest more to paper work which is boring...My cooking reality show is postpone due to some internal problem and need to deal with some consequences after that. However, I'm kinda not agreed with this company especially the way management treat those freelancers, they just terminated them without a month notice, but probably these are all negative side that freelancers need to face.Still they are human, dont they care about human feeling's at all? I dont get that.

Okay, as for my side, I'll tell the truth, I'm just 5% satisfied with this company, U propbably read somewhere in my blog how I hate this company, but the only reason I stayed because of the opportunity and my precious friends, besides I love what Im doing....Conclussion, I love my job. Im quite free, sitting next to da Dory...emailing her everyday like bf and gf...what to do...we send email to other's as well but yet there is no reply except for both of us...It makes thinking . You might think that you know the person who is actually close to you, but actually you are'nt at all, and then suddenly you know their true colours...yeah man!! i think they are people out there act differently with different group of friend...probably they are not yet ready to reveal everything or maybe we're not good enough to be their friend.I dont know.No comment, but for me even though I just know the person for a day..I'll still be me and it all depends to the person to like me or not....hehehehe..As for what i know..I'm sucks...Who wanna be my friend? kuang..kuang...kuang...hehehe...

Nina is here, she will start working soon. Good for her, just finished her study, Ain will fly to Australia end of this year while Iqa still waited for the result, where she might go to further her study...Good Luck everyone....hehehe
We have a plan ahead for July, diving courses, and have fun in nicest beach/ island.We're thinking of Pulau Tioman or Perhentian. Still waiting for the date from Roselle, she will come to Malaysia in July, as it good for us also because we might start shooting on August onwards.

Last weekend i had my spring cleaning, I have such a splendid time by my own...hehehe...cleaning my house, decorate my room, clean my kitchen, and even filled up my stock ( I bought everything exactly the same as what I saw in Lin and Anis house emmm sausage,instant roti canai and etc...hehehe), I was really satisfied,and then I change my fish water tank.Suprisingly while Im doing all the chores, my two cats just sleep...Wow...Good!

Okie...Im downloading CSI Miami season 4 eps 23 today..Horatio will get married in this eps, with Marisol of course, I read in the internet that in eps 24 and 25, there will be a troop chase after Horatio and shot someone close to Horatio..WHO?
I never start watching CSI Vegas Season 6 yet,and not even start downloading CSI New York. However, my fav sitcom for now SCRUBS...just finished watching the second season...I bought the third season last night, and how disappointing when the output is blur...%$#&!!!!

Life and The Upside Down...

2006-05-02T20:42:00.000-07:00

Listen to : One ( Mary J Blige and U2 )

Hey...
My Precious...my two cats getting bigger day by day..As for Chino ( 6 months old ), my god....he's damn big..eat a lot....while Boty ( 8 months old ) still maintain maybe because she's a female.Well both of them stay INSIDE my house, luckily they were trained, so they know where exactly their "business room".I love when they 'meow','meow' and wake u up from sleep, its just because they are hungry, look at their face man....feel like squeezed it or broke them into two...either one...and Boti alwiz scratch at the scratcher while Chino will go to one of his fav comforter and drooling...whatever dude...Conclussion....both of the are cute..Poor Da Dory...she's a little allergic with fur...but since she just "poodleling" herself....maybe its okay is it..i mean with fur...? Hahahahaha...

Emmm....Currently Im watching SCRUBS...starting from the 1st season..Its entertaining...I never thought that its fun to watch....hehehe...well watch DVD can kill all my boredoom....as I prefer stay at home rather than go out, besides can save money too..Im too overspend this past few months, and I want to control myself man...hahaha...keep on saying this every now and then. Period.
Also watched...CSI Miami Season 4..although I dont like 'Calleigh Dusquense' that much ( probably I compared her to 'Sara Sidle' and 'Catherine Willow', besides her voice is annoying too)....but I love the entire show.The season almost end...another 2 episodes to go...( as usual download from torrent ).

Work life....is not hectis as it used to be, but Im stressing out here that I'm tired of working with all empty promises from the superior in this company.I know that I can go better than this, I can be what I want to be if im not here, yet sumtimes this hell make a room for me to tried something out,which I know I am capable to do it,it just a matter of do you have that opportunity to do it or not...if you do...why dont you just grab it and stop thinking about quitting.That's why sometimes I dont know what I want...I want to be good in what I did...and its not in the book its all about try and error....otherwise you wont learn...and thats the reason why I NEED to stay coz I need that...'opportunity to try and make mistakes yet learn from it'.

What AM I thinking ?
Envy ( a good one ).
Hatred ( For her, for them but not for him or for those )
Burden ( Not yet feel any )
Sad and Mope ( alwiz..all the time, never reduce )
Happy ( hipocracy yet 10 % true )
Laugh ( The Best Medicine )
Money ( Never Enough...hahaha )
Love ( Pain )
Monotonous ( Its a routine )
Moody ( Im good at it..need to minus that )
Anger ( Not to them....but for those...)

Life...and Vacation Baby!!!

2006-04-26T02:08:00.000-07:00

Day 1 -- Departure, Arrive, and Fun

Listen to : Everytime -- Simple Plan

Hey....Just get back from Manila...( 6 days and 5 nights trip )
We arrived at 12pm...I bummed into Dynas on the flight to Clark..OMG...I missed her, and we were chatting...Dory and Hafez were sleeping..I feel the good vibes, as this is actually surprise visit for Roselle...she only knew that I'm the one who came...but ended up Hafez and Dory is coming...We planned this quite sometimes and she dont even have any clue at all about this...Dynas spice the situation and she create a diversion by talking to Roselle...and I called Hafez and I lin....when she saw them...she was screamed..OMG...I never seen her so shocked before..We missed her so much...Actually we arrive around 11.15 am. but I told her that the flight delayed...and we "arrive at 12pm"...actually we need time to hide Hafez and I lin...But this is a good trip...she was surprised....we're happy and really have a good time...Love you so much Ate...
And then on the way from Clark to Paranaque ( Roselle's Place )...we stopped by..its a smoking time for them...as I just the second smoker...And then we have a little chit chat....then after that, Roselle start announcing " Guys..I have announcement to make " ....oops what's that ? " I have a boyfriend. "..OOps....WHO!!?...we screamed...and she said that we knew him...WHO!!?...Emm..DODIE...My god....hehehe...we're so happy for her.....she's glowing, and getting prettier everyday.
Okay....next...then we went makan at halal place...hehehe...Shawarma..and then we went to her place to freshen up...emm...we rest....and...we went makan at GreenBelt..Its and indian cuisine...well...after makan..went to "Cena"...nice place to hang out....its cozy...and SITTI did her performance ( She's probably a dj...I dunno...but she had a nice voice)..hehehe...we were entertained...Actually....there's a lot of nice place in Manila specifically...and a lot of shopping malls too with variety of choices...Thats all for today....Quite packed huh...even we just arrived...but I dun want to waste my time...by resting or sleeping..time is definitely precious here....hehehe...I missed the honking sounds as we cant hear that in Malaysia...honking is like a habit in the Philippines...its like saying excuse me! excuse me!, and its kinda dangerous driving in Manila, not everybody can drive there...to be honest, their drivers is not selfish as ours...but the way they drive the car is kinda dangerous...although actually its safe...They can even make a u turn without signal, but people dun get mad...and even the pedestrian can cross the road, think like they are immortal...I dunno man...But definitely....Pinoy's driver's is good but maybe if they come here, they wont drive the car that fast....hehehe.

Day 2 -- Shopping, Singing and The Balut Eater

We woke up at 8.00 a.m.We slept at 2 am yesterday...a bit tipsy...and then we went out for shopping...we went to Glorietta, Green Belt and before we proceed to Rockwell, we just rest for a while at Dodi's place...its a nice place in the middle of the town...Me and Dory taking a nap for a few minutes...Damn tired man..I bought a few GUESS shirts, pants and skirts in Rockwell...its really cheap in the Philippines...its like 50% cheaper than Malaysia...and I already told myself, not to buy any GUESS products from Malaysia...We had Coffee Bean as our lunch and dinner ( coz its HALAL )..its really hard to find HALAL place to eat in Manila, but its okay...we survive....its actually kinda tiring day....we went shopping the whole day...and then Dory and Roselle having dinner while we just watching...hehehe...Dory tried balut(duck embryo and eat it with salt or vinegar)...Its like watching fear factor ...Dory can finished that man... Karaoke...Karaoke is cheap...its like 300 pesos per pax ( RM 20 ) and we can be there,sing until no voices for three hours...I dont want to go home....this is cheap...I think thats the reason why they called Pinoy's happy nations...probably because they can stressed out from work by having fun, go to the spa, sightseeing...because its all cheap...compared to Malaysia everything is expensive...
And as usual, I'm holding the mic and start singing....hehehe...not to forget..that da Dory sang also....this is her second time since Red Box ( she had the VIP's card for Red Box )hehehehe...Orns singing....and its really cute when we saw Roselle and Dodi together....they were so perfect....forgot to mention....Hafez is Malaysian counter part for Dodi...They exactly look the same....Emm...we went home around 2a.m....hehehe...This is really fun.Its tiring yet fun....

Day 3 -- Meet The Boss, Shopping and ( hehehe ) Time

Still....we woke up in the morning....Hehehe...Doesnt regret although the sun shining bright right through your eyes....There in the Philippine...the sun rise at 530 am...and its already bright...Okay...we start our journey today at ABSCBN ...we meet up with Bong...He's having quite a good life back in his hometown...His office was luxurious...cant compare while he's working in Malaysia...He still treated us nice...although I called him a dictator before...hehehe...Sorry Bong....Roselle had a meeting with him...and while they meet, Bing send his drivers to send us to Ortigas ( this is the placed where I stayed before )...We went to Galleria...Its kinda dejavu...coz i've been here before...I'm having a good time back then...I missed that...I just walked from my apartment to the shopping mall, its just accross the road....okay...after Galleria...we went out to other shopping malls...called Podium...just walking there...stopped at Starbucks to have a drink....emm...Roselle will pick us up any minutes....After that...we went eat at Eastwood..( Its such a nice place....) Dory and Roselle ate at the Seafood Place while me and Hafez tapau something from Prince Of Jaipur ( sauteed mushrooms and kebab )...Maricel'e there...i think its a filipino traditions, where they treat you so nice and very hospitable....Maricel gave us souvenirs...each of us...and even paid for our dinner...OMG...I think sge's crazy...!! She being so nice man....Maricel is loud...hehehehe...but she's very kind...and then the best part tonite was, we went to a gigolo club...this is really fun where I need to brought Hafez along...Poor Hafez..the stripped club is just next door...hehehehe...This is my second time to ruined my innocent eyes...since Bong brought me and Irene Santiago....hehehe.Well...this is for Da Dory....as she requested for it...Is it?Hehehehe.....We're so lucky that night because...we dont even pay for the cover charge...because...Roselle's friend own the club.....Huhuhu...What a day....Hehehe

Day 4 -- Volcano Sight Seeing, Coffee Break

Listen to : The Corrs -- Breatheless

Today is the most relaxing day among all...we went to Tagaytay( went out to see unactive volcanoes in the middle of the lake ), only for scenery.Its a good one...I went to Tagaytay before for Moving On shoot, and this is kinda like dejavu.Okay...we took a lot of pictures...hehehe..after that we stopped by at the Coffee Bag shop...and we having some desserts...'Halo - Halo '...its similar to air batu campur, but more sweeter and yam purple ice cream on the top...it loooks really yummy..but too sweet for me...
And we're having dinner at Alabama...( a big shopping mall )..as usual, me and Hafez...we wont eat....hehehe...its ok..I like Philippines....there are a lot of shopping malls to go to.
We were so tired after being almost 5 hours in the car...Journey to Tagaytay took us about 5 hours...Thankx to Dodie....he's the one who drove us....while ate and Da Dory asleep...Me and Hafez sing along with song....hehehehe...And we went home then...have a good rest....

Day 5 -- Pampered time and Karaoke

We went for a massage at Izuya...its really good...and after that we went to Baywalk with Dodi and Karl, coz Roselle will meet us at tthe Karaoke place...emm....having a good time.We stopped for a while for a quick drink...and we met Junar..so surprise,he already cut his hair, and looking good...okie...we then proceed to the karaoke place...I didnt sing...coz there's too many people that I'm not familiar with...Bong and DJ was there also...Thank to both of them, coz still make an effort to meet us....Hehehe..It was fun when we teased da Dory and Karl....hehehe...hopefully there will be sunting that we can remember about...hahaha...Today is the last nite......tomorrow ( Monday) will fly back to Malaysia, and on Tuesday...get back to work....:(

Day 6 - we will be back

We went home safely........
Different feeling.....

Life...and still Alive..

2006-04-12T01:05:00.000-07:00

Fav Songs ( Jan - April 06 )keep on repeating it over and over till people shout " Oit...pasang lagu lain la...."...hehehehehehe

-- Beautiful Life OST
-- Great Expectations OST
-- Great Expectations Score
-- King Arthur OST
-- Indonesian Songs
- Tentang Kita ( Melly and Ivan )
- Kenangan Terindah ( Samsons )
-- Home -- Michael Buble

I wanna sleep...I wanna dream...I want to be the girl in the story books which life alwiz ended up happily ever after....

Favourite Authors ( Most chic lit...hehehehe )
- Sophie Kinsella/Madeiline Wickham
- Elizabeth Berg
- Mike Gayle
- Marian Keyes
- Kazuo Ishiguro

Not just that...I still like others authors as well...emm..I read philosophy books, vampires and something to do about life....hehehe...or books which doesnt make sense..conclussion....I read everything...its either I like it or not.

Life.....And Politics....

2006-04-11T19:43:00.000-07:00

Listen to : Home ( Michael Buble )

Hey...Yesterday was a public holiday...(Maulidur Rasul). Its good to be out of office,and its good to be home.I figured out there's a lot of unfinished things in my life....all pending...I keep on saying that I dunno what I want in my life...actually I do mean it....because I really dont know...I was at home...listen to all my fav songs ( its in my On The Go Lists )..and I was thinking, that I deserve to be happy, I deserve not to think about unnecessary thing which ended up giving me all the bad vibes...I stuck in my own head...I alwiz question myself..What is the key of success? How to be somebody ? Emm...the answer might be work smart...harder...but in this company...even if you devote urself until you die also....they will never appreciate.I heard a rumours saying that we will get an increment this year, but god knows when...probably its just another sweet empty promises from them.

Politic, is a commom issue, wherever you are, wherever you go....its alwiz there, just either u part of it or not, or sometimes you cant even avoid it....i'll alwiz make sure I wont involve in any part of this....even walls could talk...cant trust anybody....just one or two colleague who alwiz make me better...hehehehe...What is the best remedy to avoid office politics? Antisocial? Dont talk about other's?..How about if people talk about you? How about if there is envy occured among each other?...How is there is alwiz someone out there who care about other people business? How to deal with all that crap? Thats not in the job scope where you need to input all these and deal with this kinda situation....I just dont know.....U want to deliver things, U want to be good, U want to be smart....Hows that?
Im just confuse.....Its just so complicated....What is the answers?

Life...and Monotonous Day

2006-04-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

Listen to : Samsons -- Kenangan Terindah

Its Saturday.Its raining...the lightning really scare my cats off, actually also scared me...hehehe..Its good to be home, my sister brought some lunch from Seremban, its sambal tumis udang, and pucuk paku, it's my favourite...hehehe..I spend my time watching DVD's..I watched Rumor Has it played by Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Costner, Mark Ruffalo and Mena Suvari..it was okay, same like a relax and light ordinary film...emm...to be honest, I dun like the story...continue with One Night In Mongkok, suggested by Da Dory, the movie is nice...but just hate the ending...Casted by Cecelia Cheung and Daniel Wu, Da Dory and my sister Chicane likes Daniel Wu and they keep saying that he's cute...emm...not bad actually...hehehehe.

Then...continue with Pizza Frenzy..( Dory, Hafez already have the crack code..hehehe )I just finished the game...and we went out for dinner at Kenny Rogers ( Sunway ), it was a turn off when we need to pay RM 80 for the meal which for us is not worth it...

Well...that's my Saturday..and tomorrow is Sunday...and Monday will come...I really hate Monday...never mind any other day...Tuesday will be an off day ( Maulidur Rasul ) Yahoo.....cant wait to be next week...I'm going to the Philippines..
I cant wait to be far from office, where people cant reach me...I need a break..Although just 6 days but still the time are really precious...where I can spent all the 6 days enjoying myself with my lovely friends....
Lets continue to talk about my L.I.F.E, which obviously will never end unless you satisfy with it...before that let me recap, I just finished read " Lucy Sullivan Is Getting Married "...its such a nice and cute stuffs to read...I like the way how they fall in love...it just so cute...well...why I'm telling this? because...I like the feeling when you start to love someone and loved by someone...its just a strange feeling that you cant get it everyday...although I already have the LOVE of my life...hahahahahaha...Sorry Orns...

LIfe Is About Playing Games....

2006-04-06T22:55:00.000-07:00

My journey was tiring, but as I entered the bus..I'm totally feel calm and peaceful around....wonder why? probably because I'm far from office...I wish that I'm like a girl in the story books, which life alwiz end up with happy endings...I listen to the songs...felt like flying...I wanted to cry with no reason...I think harder...yup..I have my own sweet time yesterday ( 10 hours in the bus )...thinking bout how my life will end..Am i going to die early? Am I going to be successful? How I picture my self in another 10 years? I cant even answer that..Its beyond my control..How can I plan my life properly? What actually I want to achieve in this life? The whole thing so unclear...and I'm vulnerable.
I love my job...its totally challenging and fun, but I hate the way the company treated me..am I so unlucky? I dunno...
Im 25 years old now...but still I dun even in the middle of achieving something...yes, I gain experiences, but is that enough for life? Help...totally confused.
Sometimes when I heard about other's, I mean happy stuff....Im just smile, and dunno how to react..of course happy for them, but emm...I dunno...period.
Okay.....Da Dory, a friend that busy all the time..she totally busy last few weeks, handling Indonesian project...she's lucky, can learn new stuff with new boss,while Im stuck with so called alwiz right,never wrong boss...or whatever that I can call...sigh....life's alwiz sucker as I need to be in it...Is there any other room for me, any other character that I can play? I dun even know what game he play?
I hate complaining, as sometime I tried to keep it all to myself,but can I?

Life As Hectic As It's Going To Be......

2006-04-03T04:34:00.000-07:00

Hey...Work's getting hectic day by day, as I need to go home late almost everyday...i thought after Jom Ton Ton...i'll be rest for a while...but unfortunately...nope...the workline is on schedule...Im doing a cooking reality show which will be shot in 4 different zones...quite entertaining yet tiring. Preproduction must be good as we need to get a lot of sponsors especially for the lodgings and prizes....Thanks to my superior as he already approved my leave...I'm leaving for Philippines on the 19th....cant wait to see Ate....already plan our itinerary...tagaytay ( i want to see the floating volcano and cold air...fresh breeze....hehehe)..i cancelled my trip to Boracay as the flight ticket is expensive...Em..as usual..plan some shopping for new clothes....Philippines cheaper than Malaysia...
This Thursday ( on the 6th April ) going to Singapore for a meeting...one day journey....going at 8 am....meeting at 3 pm....and then going back at 8pm....what a day.....sure penat...
Emm...new updates...I have new kungfu fishes....3 of them...was talking with da Dory to open our own fish shop...maybe can earn more money ...even more than what we're getting now....hehehe....
Chino ( now known as cha-cha -- my cat...its getting bigger now...bigger than BOTI)
He ate a lot...ate everything....even eat the cheese and pickels....help!!!
Emmm....what else to update...Im starting not to wear slippers to work anymore (i said I'm trying but once in a while I know....I'm still gonna wear it...hehehehe)...my boss keep on complaining why I always wear slippers to work...comfortable ma......okie dokie, then today...everybody's shock when they saw me wore one....hahaha...what a joke man....

Life Is Like An Ordinary Day

2006-03-04T20:25:00.000-08:00

Hi ...Its Sunday...All the team in the studio..I'm escaping myself a while...blogging..We're going to finish studio shoot by today..And another week to go for SCP shoot..These how the schedule looks alike..we're going to Bukit Tinggi on Friday and coming back on Saturday....sound fun huh...hehehe...Accomodation and food provided.Im going forr Bukit Tinggi reccee tomorrow (Monday).
Before that...Jom Ton Ton set is nicer compared to last season,i'm kinda like it as our propmaster really did his job well..Thanx to Ray.And also thanx to all the team who make everything on track...as our delivery date is chasing us...Thank God..I already deliver 2 episode on time...hehehe
Emm..I missed Hafez family dinner twice (Hafez brother just ger back from Sudan for good)sorry....just busy..as my schedule really tight.Maybe another one fine day.
Im still frustrated about my blog..how stupid I am to ACCIDENTALLY deleted it..Now its a brand new blog with the same stories...hahahaha..Period

Life Is All About Dreaming

2006-03-03T05:33:00.000-08:00

I started today's entry with deepest condolences as my friend's dad just passed away last Tuesday and also the other friend just lost her granddad's yesterday....Al Fatihah...It just so sad, we laugh...and having fun and suddenly heard the news and time paused me..think again as automatically I think about death...i become afraid...and that's the chain of life...people who lives must die...Oh God.Subhanallah....Im just realize I'm too far behind all this...Im just a plain 'homo sapiens' who commited sins....and when can I turn to be a good girl?
I wonder.......God...Help Me!!!!

I started my routine life in the morning and finished work at midnite....no shopping, no window shopping, no lepaking...just hang out across the road...and then get back to work..My life is not boring, sumtimes unpredictable coz I cant budgetted my time..I miss home...just a few hours at home...(to sleep,take a bath..thats all)...most of my time...in the office and studio...I chose this life...I never regret..its fun though....I work Monday to Sunday for like 3 weeks already and no off day.....( I want to apply for a leave this coming April)...

I just bought a new I pod nano....I'm so happy....its 2GB black colour Nano...and also I wanted to buy the case as well ( i browse at Coach website...damn nice...but too expensive)..I just got Coach wrislet which Dory gave me when she get back from New York...Tq...Tq...She told me that I'll be crazy if go there,coz its cheaper to buy it there rather than Malaysia....hehehehe...I love expensive stuff...so materialistic...And one of my fav stuff is my Havaianas slippers...I have 10 pairs with different colors...and 2 slippers with hill....( I can't get it in Malaysia)....
What else do I bought this year? Emmmm nothing....Yahoo...I wanna save money....Kononnya nak kawin tahun ni...November? Emmm...ye la tu....berangan....in my dream....but dream is good...and fantasy is fun....hehehe...

** Currently Im reading Wicked
** Listen to Radja : Jujur

Life and Tears

2006-02-23T05:46:00.000-08:00

Tears From The Moon -- Sinead O' Connor

Couldnt sleep,
so I went down walking.
Thinking about you,
and hearing those talking.
And all the things I should have said,
echoed now inside my head.
I feel something falling from the sky
Im so sad and maybe angels cry

Tears from the moon
Fall down like rain
I reach for you
I reach in vain
Tears from the moon
Tears from the moon

It just aint fair
this thing called loving.
When one stands there
the other feels nothing.
I would have done anything for you
I still love you, baby I adore you.
All day I keep from falling apart
But I realize it when the sky gets dark

Stop, stop hunting me
It should be easy,
As easy as when you stop wanting me.

Life Is About Winning.....

2006-02-23T02:28:00.000-08:00

How am i going to start?
What the hell that i'm thinking...?
I deleted my blog....the whole blog....since last two years...
I cant curse anymore...enough...
Dory's next to me...she just cant do anything...but watched me....
I'm frustrated...
Maybe its a good sign...probably to provoke me to write about a good thing in life instead of bad thing...
I dunno...I just not in a mood today.I just frustrated and depressed...how am I supposed to say a good thing in my 'first so called entry' for my blog...period.

Prologue..
Life is alwiz beautiful....
Its a game,have winners and losers, planning with a good strategy will sure u happiness and success,but sometimes life is just cruel and unfair, life also about other people, and you are not playing the game alone...everybody strive to be a winner, but not all get lucky...am i consider LUCKY?

My Life...My Self
I'm started all over again, a brand new page, brand new determination with same intuition 'to live life the fullest and may Allah bless me'.What kinda life do I have?Do I need to start from the beginning so then people can recall who am I? he he he...Im 25th (this coming November)..Scorpio..Rooster year...prosperity...money...money...money....hehehehe(materialistic).
i'm still depressed because I accidentally deleted my blog.
Whatever man...
Okay....let me begin...this is what happened yesterday...my host didnt turn up...and I need to wrapped my team,my Producer mad at me,throwing and making faces the whole morning (what am I going to do? its not my call..)..and after that he seems okay..probably he had too many things in his head...U dunno...people...but he still the superior...life is all about patience..its okay...takkan tak boleh kena marah kot?bukan selalu....hehehehe.And today...everything went well,all according to the schedule...thats a good sign...what a relief...thanx to my bubly Asst.Director (Anis)..and thanx to all the team.
I'm upstairs at the office...repairing my blog,Dory next to me surfing the net.There is actually too many things to tell,but I cant afford to throw it all now...Whatever it is I'm frustrated...STILL....